Dreams, Personal Development, Relationships, Self Care, Single Parent, Women and Girls / October 13, 2017

LIKE FAMILY, A GOOD FRIEND TELLS YOU THE TRUTH

LIKE FAMILY, A GOOD FRIEND TELLS YOU THE TRUTH

Our friends are really FAMILY.

If friendship is something we as women and girls can partake in together as one “unit”, then we can consider ourselves as “a family of girls”.

Friendship is like family, a connection that is close yet has a love-hate-ship relationship to it; that is like that of a sibling and extended family drama, friendship is sometimes bumpy, jagged, provoking and I have noticed it always comes without rules.

The no rules part of friendship makes me laugh, I want rules. But I realize with rules there is no more trust and with rules doesn’t that mean that I am now an acquaintance.

A good friendship, means that I can’t become an acquaintance, we passed that river a long time ago and it also means we can catch-up at any time and it will feel like we haven’t missed a beat even if we haven’t spoken in decades.

When I was newly separated in my new on today and gone tomorrow situation with my hubby; I remember a close friend asking me how everything was going, she would check on me and the kids often. I was a wreck in those early days, she was a life saver.

“How are you doing” she would ask me when she or I called and so I would update her on the current event and drama I was going through… after a while in a phone conversation I remember her saying “friend of my youth” how long will you hold on to the dream of him coming back, shake yourself up and move on and get your life back on track.

I remember thinking then, what, what did she just say to me why is she not minding her business…, how dare her…, and immediately my spirit towards her changed. I think my heart toughened up towards her and I became angry and stopped calling or picking up her calls. How had she gotten close enough to give me her unsolicited advice…, did I ask her for what to do about my life…?

Years later as I got closer to my divorce, I remembered this call and this friend and that was when I realized something. Why did I get angry, didn’t I in some way ask for my friend’s opinion, hadn’t I implied by my own words and actions that her words mattered to me? Had she not put in her time in those long conversations she had with me.

Get one thing clear, friends do what they do out of LOVE without an interest of self; a stranger hasn’t the audacity to give you a bad comment or opinion, all most strangers do is encourage you.

Opinions don’t come from strangers they come from people who genuinely LOVE US, as such these 3 things I know now;

1. Strangers encourage and inspire other strangers.
2. Acquaintances know their boundaries.
3. Friends don’t see boundaries.

Friendship is a contact sport that is without rules and that’s hard, the people we are close with are the ones that we have somewhat given permission to comment, bruise, injure and fracture us with their words on how we are living our life.

Friends; frank and honest in their words will press through our personal thoughts and tell us of our next step or make us hide away: as we fight, resist and push against the curtains and doors they are opening.

Always remember that the words a friend speaks may hurt but it will not cause you to act, it does rather start you towards a trend to either isolate yourself from them and all other friends you have or to be a big girl and that is a scary thing.

Whatever we as women and girls are going through, I want us to remember that on a good day this thing that has made you reactive and that hurts will also give room for your growth.

It’s hard to see that a friend means well though, amidst our problems.

Wouldn’t this require us to stop being victims when a friend or family member gets personal about what we are struggling with personally or inflicting on others; like a bad relationship, having too much debt, getting a divorce, a separation, getting a new job, leaving that job, moving to another city, saying No to people, gossiping, lying, bearing a false witness, to do better as a; wife, a friend, an employee, dress better, get ourselves back up, be nice instead of angry, take time out for yourself; etc.

So as we start this journey I want to say thank you; to any friend reading this, remember to stay true to you and empathize with your friend in their journey so that at the right time your words will find it’s place. To the acquaintance who has stayed too long and doesn’t know boundaries, and has crossed the line speaking the truth and becoming a friend: welcome to friendship.

Change Watch: Do this What are you going through in your life personally now that hurts and makes your heart open and close so rapidly you want to hide.

What has your friends or family member said and opened your eyes up to see, so that you can act on it?

Sit down to understand where they are coming from…sit quietly by yourself and ponder the answer.

 

Sincerely in Joy,

Gloria Adeyeye

 

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gloria

Encouragement from an optimistic single mom.

Life changed for me in 2008, and since then it has been an adventure.
I have learnt to love the road I am on, and smell the roses while driving on it too.

I believe that standards of living can change without a moment’s notice, affecting our old way of life.

That Passion can die, and be reignited again.

I found my passion and It’s writing and the story behind it.

I’m super passionate about hospitality, leadership and finance.

I am a single mom of boys who wants to change the world through a smile and genuine service.

I own up to the fact that I make an awesome follower.

I encourage and I inspire. I write, I blog, sometimes – I lead well, and sometimes I follow badly. But the important thing is to get started.

I recently met Simon Sinek, the Start with Why Guy and and so continue to inspire the world.

Email me for a free 20 minute chat or to help you on your way to your Why.

Teafor2andacrowd@gmail.com

from my heart, xoxoxo

GM

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