Who cares? My Tribe, my Community, my Sisters , my Friends

Who really cares? That I am a single parent and don’t ask for help. Who cares that I maybe tired but still smile, who cares that I help even when I’m the one that needs help? Who cares that I refuse to be defined as a single parent in the way I live? You want me to ask for your help? Do not hold your breath.

Do not let my smile, and me saying it’s a great day when you ask me how am feeling but don’t really want to know as you speed past me like we do in New York. Do not let it fool you, I’m not really all that okay, I’m blessed but okay, nah. If you have a hundred and one things on your plate, a single parent has two more than you. As single parents we have become so desensitized that it is no longer a big deal; we are mothers, employees, full-time drivers, cooks, nannies, matrons, hairdressers, tutors, etc add-on all the other traditional duties that are normally left to men too; bill pay, car washing, where to live, which school to go to and which church to attend. Omg, how do we survive? When I’m sick I still show up, no time to take off saving that vacation time for the kids and doctors visits. We deal with doctors visits like water out of a faucet, school activities like a juggling act and still put a smile on our face.

Why didn’t you tell me or why didn’t you ask, single parents hear that a lot. My answer because single parents are like everyone else, hahaha, (wonder woman not included) and as proud too. I have a problem with my car and asked for your help you stuttered, questioned, you acted funny, sis, bro I will not ask for your help again.  You probably have your own things you are dealing with anyway, am cool. I refuse to ask for your help if you don’t offer it, I refuse to explain to you if you can’t see a need. You will reach out to me if you empathize with me, but won’t if you don’t and that’s okay. I ain’t no beggar, don’t want scraps or leftovers either.

Parties and travelling no longer mix because of my kids, I will say no and not yes if it makes sense not travelling and leaving them behind. I want them where I am not divided by hours and miles. Yes, I’m the same girl who didn’t want to have kids after hearing the apocalypse story of the bible Revelation, not much have changed.

Can you softly tell me you are rooting for me, that I can do it all and more.  I’m here because, I stayed; giving it my all and hoping for a change, I buried my dream and was left to care for three. What choice did I have but to hide myself in them; these beautiful ones? I only have them for so long and by God I will enjoy every minute of it. I scream!! I will enjoy my kids!!! I will enjoy my life!!! I will live life!!!

Before I speak you would understand, you would be the one defending me to the crowd, you would be my rock, my shield but instead you join with them and lay me flat, you forget that I was fun once. That I, like the next girl, had a dream. That this life; the one I have now was not my plan, raising kids meant for two all by myself denying myself the things that ignited my soul from birth to focus on them.

Even I will rise!!!!!When I don’t call or get burnt out, can you wait for me, call me, let me hear you cheer me on.  When you see a flicker and my light dimming, not knowing what haunts me and I crawl into my shell and what I promise I don’t deliver, cancelled plans are too familiar… as I run back into my comfort zone. Please nudge me, urge me, don’t give up on me because even I will rise again like a branch cut off and put in water to grow new roots and be replanted. Even I will rise!!!!!

GM XOXOXO