Why We Stay in Bad Relationships

why we stay

• We believe we truly love our abuser and they love us too and something went wrong to change them.
• We believe that something or someone is responsible for their current predicament, that it’s a spiritual battle not physical, a type of demonic possession of sorts.
• You see yourself as the hero that will win, by rescuing this person.
• We think no one will believe us when we tell them what they’ve done to us.
• We don’t know what a good relationship looks like.

 

Why don’t we see what everyone else sees, are we blinded by the love, lies or is it because he wooed you with a crazy consistency; love notes, chocolate, phone calls, trips to the latest restaurants, movies, the park, Ice cream, pop corn and pizza or a trip to the beauty shop with him holding your purse.

According to the 1973 American Heritage Dictionary of English Language; bad is defined as disturbing, defective and wicked.

There is also a section on synonyms, and it explains wicked as not pertaining to potential for wrong alone, but to also premeditate the practice of wrong.

Relation is defined as association between two or more things, it defines relationship as the condition or fact of being related by blood or marriage and kinship.

Add them all together and we can define a bad relationship as one in which a person is preyed upon in a premeditated way by their partner.

 

how to know you are in a bad relationship

• This person goes everywhere you go.
• Confusion while dating because you are hearing rumors they are dating other people.
• While dating if there are any disagreements with you, him and your  friends they seek out your female family members to resolve the disagreement.
• They break up your friendships with others so they can have you to themselves.
• They hit and punch you in private and later apologize saying it will never happen again.
• They want to be with you 247 and won’t urge you to have a have a life apart from them.

 

why they choose you

• You do not know what a good relationship looks.
• Your family is going through a life change or challenge.
• You are a resilient and optimistic person.

 

the roles of parents in stopping this 

• We need to let our children know what a bad relationship is from a good one.
• Show our children what an aggressive friend looks like.
• Don’t spank your child and then hug and say you love them, separate the two issues. This blurred line between spanking and a hug when you are a child blurs things because it makes a punch and a hug sorry later acceptable when you are older.
• Don’t tell your child that another child pushing them is okay that they did it because they like them, that’s you teaching them to accept abuse in exchange for love.

 

for teens and college students 

• Teen girls and boys please understand that the boyfriend thing should be taken lightly when in middle school and high school, that the opposite sex is your friend not a life partner. Have fun, create memories.
• College students needs to remember when in college you are there to learn about a future career, life in general and  that college is an opportunity to lookout for the traits and characteristics of a future spouse not to partner up and pick up spousal duties without.

 

Change Watch: DO THIS – Find examples of great relationships in your extended family, neighborhood, community, and even on social media then use this as a model to know what a good relationship looks like.

 

Sincerely In Joy,

Gloria Adeyeye

 

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