Girl Power: Helping the Girl-Child Build Her Muscles for Self Expression

 

I remember seeing her before she saw me. I was behind them on the line, watching her struggle to decide on what to get and I wondered what I could do to help.

 

Let’s talk Girl power, though used loosely in the 21st century, the term ushered in the celebration of women’s empowerment and independence, and was first recorded used in 1967 by the Riot Grrrl an underground feminist punk movement in the 1990’s. The Grrrl, with its origins in Washington state, and Washington, DC, some have called it a musical genre and they were know to addresss issues such as rape, abuse, sexuality, patriarchy and empowerment.

 

But “Girl Power” found a permanent home in the 1996 musical girl group called the Spice Girls and their audience. There it blossomed, and the movement continues to grow in 2017 by strengthening girls to use their voice to express their value. Girl Power found a niche in educating girls in science, math and helping them take part in the changing future of the girl-child.

 

I met a 10-year-old girl called Rain today, well I met her on February 17th, 2017. I felt like I was talking to a younger me, she brought memories from my past I didn’t remember existed and I wanted to let her know that her voice matters in every conversation and gathering.

 

We must raise girls up so that they too can choose to build up their assertiveness and use their muscles (Isan, a yoruba word for muscle). It’s the continuous use of a girls decision-making muscles that builds it up in her for good, being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. We should build them up so they can learn to say NO, build them up to live brave everyday and build them up to learn when to say yes. Yes, to the things that build character and strength. Yes, to choosing things they feel comfortable with, so they become that girl who always knows what she wants.

 

I really believe not speaking up is a learned behavior, modeled to us early. A model from the past that doesn’t feel right in 21st century.

 

Growing up I saw it firsthand, It’s in the selflessness that’s expected in our girls at a young age.

You see it in the girl-child; the first girl born to a family, the only girl child, the last-born girl, the middle girl, and most especially in the only girl amidst a house full of boys.

You see it in the food she gives up at the table, her chores and the extra chores she takes on to help mommy.

You see it in the way she makes her choices, not trying to hurt people’s feelings, not wanting anyone to get angry, God forbid she thinks for a minute about herself. 

You see it’s in the girl yielding to the boy at the family reunion or at school without making her voice heard.

It’s in the girl who grows up and becomes the husband pleaser, always saying yes, never questioning. Afraid of what could go wrong in her marriage if she speaks up.

It’s in phrases like “agba n gba ni” a Yoruba term I heard a lot of growing up, this word calls on you to say and do things for others without thinking about yourself first.

 

Let’s talk about Rain, the girl I met.

 

I met Rain and her sisters last week she looked like she was about 10 years old, and you could tell from her expression she was she was having a hard time choosing her lunch at a buffet place at Lexington market (shout out to Baltimore City), her issues it turns out:

 

I asked and thanks to her guardian, I could speak to her. And it turned out she wanted what she wanted, Lo Mein, not Fried Rice like the rest of her sisters, but if she chose it her sisters would get mad at her, she explained to me shyly. We had a short conversation about how she can’t always worry much about what others think all the time, that she can have fun once in a day… and today was that day. I gave her permission to change her mind that day and she did, she got what she wanted. I can’t remember much about my challenges when I was younger, but I’m sure that something as easy as me deciding on which soda do you want would have had me deferring to an adult…saying something like “you decide for me”.

 

Remind a girl when you see her reacting this way that their opinion matters when choices and decisions are being heard and made. Can you go a step further and be the one that pulls up beside her and help her build that muscle in them. Tell her that her choice and voice matters, because it will impact her destiny and her future.

 

Let’s encourage and remind our girls, to make everyday decisions and choices in things that look like they are small decision-making opportunities; like what food or drink they will have is important, this is where the muscle-building starts.  As we help young girls, they will learn to make better decisions for their future in little things like; what to eat, what to wear, what extracurricular to take in middle school, the course we study in college, our career, choice of spouse, where to live, car to buy, to have kids or not, to finance school or not, and friends we have and causes we support and affiliate with.

 

Change Watch: Do this – Take a girl child (or boy) out this weekend (daughter, niece, cousin, foster-child, etc.) and if she defers to you or others about her choice and decisions while you’re out and about, explain to her that you won’t help that she needs to decide for herself.

Article Updated 2/16/2018.

 

Help her build up that muscle, let’s clap for our girls!

 

Sincerely In God’s Joy,

Gloria